來去摘櫻桃

「文章轉錄」來去摘櫻桃 張國立 《時報週刊》總編輯

我總是喜歡用一種方式來計算生命，並為自己的吃喝玩樂尋找藉口：
你在二十歲以前的人生是有記憶的嗎？

有，你記得你老爸揍你，因為你在做功課時偷偷看漫畫。有，你記得老媽在你沒考上大學時，擠著明明是苦笑的微笑說，明年再來嘛。 有，你去喝了兩杯啤酒，被警察逮進派出所，你老爸老媽慌張的趕來為你求情。

對，我的意思是，二十歲以前你幾乎是在不知不覺，或為了老爸老媽而活的。當然，也許你是天才，從三歲時就為自己做好人生規畫，天才不在我的敘述範圍之列。

那麼六十歲以後呢？你有了積蓄、有了子女、也開始逐漸有了時間，但你卻沒有太多的體力和理想，因為理想的基礎是夢想，你已經沒有做夢的力氣呀。

好，你的人生扣除二十歲之前和六十歲之後，你還有四十年，這是黃金歲月，可是，老天，你在黃金磚塊裡做了些什麼？你很忙，沒空研究這種數學問題，我的數學很爛，但還是好心的幫你算算：

你睡覺睡掉了三分之一，折合成明確的數字是十三點三三三年。根據統計，平均每個台灣人每天花在電視或電腦網路（無關工作）是三小時，等於每天的八分之一，也就是五年。

上班則以每周五天每天八小時（真有人只工作八小時嗎），這又去掉了十年。換句話說，扣除例行的活動，你的黃金四十年已經不知不覺被幹掉了二十八點三三三年。我還沒算你罵兒子、叫老婆、洗屁股、和鄰居為了停車位吵架的時間。

老兄，我講的是良心話，你的一生真正落到你手裡的，大約不到五年，而你休假的時候居然還跑去租ＤＶＤ，躲在家裡的沙發上過日子，喂，這真是當初你想要的人生？

好吧，再用另一種方式來計算人生。早上起床後，無論擠公車、坐捷運、開汽車，你的路線是不是都一樣？下班時只不過重覆一番罷了，至於中午休息，你是不是都吃便當，或者公司附近的幾家餐廳，你會花個半小時去找一家聽說很好卻相當遠的小飯館嗎？

我們都是螞蟻，每天在同樣的幾條線上行動、和同樣的幾張面孔聊天、為同樣的問題爭吵。

對，我也完全同意人生便是在平凡裡尋找樂趣，問題是，你有樂趣嗎？

你又要罵我好高鶩遠，不這樣又要怎樣？二十五歲起有汽車貸款，三十歲有房屋貸款，三十五歲起煩惱子女未來的教育經費，四十歲擔心老爸老媽退休後的生活，四十五歲則恍然發現要每年去做健康檢查。能夠在六十歲前還清房屋貸款、把兒女送進大學、除了身高外其他的數字，像是血壓、膽固醇，都慢慢的升高，然後你坐在電視機前看同樣的廣告，忽然發現你好像該做些什麼不一樣的事，卻又嘆口氣，這些事該在四十歲時候做的啊。

這樣你全明白了吧，業績是老闆的、存款是兒女的、身體是醫生的、夢想是日記上的，剩下來的雖然不多，那才是你自己的，所以做人得快樂。

我最喜歡的一個故事是日本禪宗的「老虎」，也許你聽過，也許沒，反正你已經習慣看同樣的廣告，不如將就的再聽一遍這個故事吧：

有個人走在山裡，突然樹林中衝出來一頭老虎，看起來它很飢餓，對你直追，你拚命的跑，跑到一處懸崖，你想，完啦，後有老虎，前有斷崖，唯一能活的方法就是往下跳，說不定還能撿回命。當你正要往下跳，卻看到崖下也有一頭餓虎，正抬起頭朝你狂吼。

好了，你跳下去不死也會變成老虎的生魚片。這時你看到有根樹藤從你腳邊往下垂。好，你可以攀著藤掛在半空中，這樣下面的老虎和上面的老虎都咬不到你。你興奮地攀著樹藤下去，當你正慶幸可以垂掛在兩隻老虎中間時，老天，你看到兩隻螞蟻在咬樹藤，而且顯然很快樹藤就要被咬斷了。

一切的努力都白費，你萬念俱灰時，忽然看見山壁上有顆櫻桃，紅紅亮亮的，你不禁伸手去摘下那顆櫻桃放進嘴裡。嗯，好甜的櫻桃呀。故事便結束在好甜的櫻桃。

究竟這個故事有什麼含意呢？禪宗的東西都有很多含意，每個人有不同的解讀方式。

我的解讀很簡單，要保握住現在，就像那顆櫻桃；你不可能在樹藤上晃來晃去地晃到六十歲才去摘，你得馬上就摘了送進嘴裡。

同樣的，別老安慰自己說，現在拚命努力，等到退休時就可以享受。相信我，任何享受都應該隨時進行，千萬別等到退休，那時你可能早忘了怎麼享受了。

工作時要給自己找樂趣，工作之後更要找樂趣，這樣你才可以無時無刻不在享受你的人生。當然，你會罵我只會說不會做。在此我先接受你送來的三字經，真的，我也是在四十歲的時候才體會出這個道理，而且即使到現在仍只能努力去做若干的實踐罷了，不過至少我已經開始在做，你呢？

別老是抱怨個沒完，再怎麼抱怨也無濟於事，找找看你的釣竿、你的護照、你當學生時的吉他，然後，我們一起去吃櫻桃。

The Story of 4 Boyfriends

Once upon a time there was this girl who had four boyfriends.

She loved the 4th boyfriend the most and adored him with rich robes and
treated him to the finest of delicacies. She gave him nothing but the
best.

She also loved the 3rd boyfriend very much and was always showing him off
to neighboring kingdoms. However, she feared that one day he would leave
her for another.

She also loved her 2nd boyfriend. He was her confidant and was always
kind,considerate and patient with her. Whenever this girl faced a problem,
she could confide in him, and he would help her get through the difficult
times.

The girls 1st boyfriend was a very loyal partner and had made great
contributions in maintaining her wealth and kingdom. However, she did not
love the first boyfriend. Although he loved her deeply, she hardly took
notice of him!

One day, the girl fell ill and she knew her time was short. She thought of
her luxurious life and wondered, I now have four boyfriends with me, but
when I die, I'll be all alone.'

Thus, she asked the 4th boyfriend, 'I loved you the most, endowed you with
the finest clothing and showered great care over you. Now that I'm dying,
will you follow me and keep me company?'

'No way!', replied the 4th boyfriend, and he walked away without
another
word..

His answer cut like a sharp knife right into her heart.

The sad girl then asked the 3rd boyfriend, 'I loved you all my life. Now
that I'm dying, will you follow me and keep me company?'

'No!', replied the 3rd boyfrien d. 'Life is too good! When you die,
I'm
going to marry someone else!'

Her heart sank and turned cold.

She then asked the 2nd boyfriend, 'I have always turned to you for help and
you've always been there for me.

When I die, will you follow me and keep me company?'

'I'm sorry, I can't help you out this time!', replied the 2nd
boyfriend.
'At the very most, I can only walk with you to your grave.'

His answer struck her like a bolt of lightning, and the girl was
devastated.

Then a voice called out: 'I'll go with you. I'll follow you no
matter where
you go..'

The girl looked up, and there was his first boyfriend. He was very skinny
as he suffered from malnutrition and neglect.

Greatly grieved, the girl said, 'I should have taken much better care of
you when I had the chance!'

In truth, you have 4 boyfriends in your lives:

Your 4th boyfriend is your body. No matter how much time and effort you
lavish in making it look good, it will leave you when you die.

Your 3rd boyfriend is your possessions, status and wealth.When you die, it
will all go to others.

Your 2nd boyfriend is your family and friends. No matter how much they have
been there for you, the furthest they can stay by you is up to the grave.

And your 1st boyfriend is your Soul. Often neglected in pursuit of wealth,
power and pleasures of the world.

However, your Soul is the only thing that will follow you where ever you
go.Cultivate, strengthen and cherish it now, for it is the only part of you
that will follow you and continue with you throughout Eternity.

Some Logic

ROMANCE MATHEMATICS

Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy


OFFICE ARITHMETIC

Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime


SHOPPING MATH

A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.


GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.


HAPPINESS

To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.


LONGEVITY

Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die.


PROPENSITY TO CHANGE

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.


DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE

A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

5 MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE

Lesson 1:
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her
shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a
towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob,
the next-door neighbor.

Before she! says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you $800 to drop that towel, "

After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands
naked in front of Bob After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and
leaves.
The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she
gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, "Who was that?"

"It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies.

"Great," the husband says, "did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"

Moral of the story:
If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with
your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent
avoidable exposure.



Lesson 2:
A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in and crossed her legs,
forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident.
After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.

The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" The priest removed his
hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.

The nun once again said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"

The priest apologized "Sorry sister but the flesh is weak."

Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way.

On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129

It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."

Moral of the story:
If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.


Lesson 3:
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to
lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie
comes out.

The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish."

"Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the
Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world."

Puff! She's gone.

"Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be in Hawaii,
relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of
Pina Coladas and the love of my life."

Puff! He's gone.

"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager.

The manager says, "I want those two back in the office after lunch."

Moral of the story:
Always let your boss have the first say.


Lesson 4
An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing. A small rabbit
saw the eagle and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing?"

The eagle answered: " Sure , why not."

So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested.

All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.

Lesson 5
A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to
the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the
energy."

"Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the
bull. "They're packed with nutrients." !

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him
enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day,
after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally
after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the
tree.

He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the! tree.

Moral of the story:
Bull Shit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.

Lesson 6
A little bird was flying south for the Winter. It was so cold the bird
froze and fell to the ground into a large field. While he was lying
there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.

As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to
realize how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay
there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.

A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.
Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow
dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.

Morals of the story:
(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.
(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.
(3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!


THIS ENDS THE 5-MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE

放手

对那个人，你总是说你放不下。其实，是放不下你自己吧？
对那件事，你总是说你不能放心。其实，是不能放手吧？
于是，每日每日，你记挂着那个人那件事，就像拖着一袋垃圾到处走，把自己弄得沉重又不清爽。
早该放下却迟迟不放手，这是你对自己的赌气吗？
那个人那件事已经与你无关了，你却用绳索自縛双手，心甘情愿地继续被控制吗？
于是，每日每日，不是你紧紧捉住那个人那件事，而是那个人那件事的幻影紧紧捉住了你

Me & my boss!!!

When I Take a long time to finish,
I am slow,
When my boss takes a long time,
he is thorough

When I don't do it,
I am lazy,
When my boss does not do it,
he is busy,

When I do something without being told,
I am trying to be smart,
When my boss does the same,
he takes the initiative,

When I please my boss,
I am apple polishing,
When my boss pleases his boss,
he is cooperating,

When I make a mistake,
I am an idiot.
When my boss makes a mistake,
he's only HUMAN.

When I am out of the office,
I am wandering around.
When my boss is out of the office,
he's on business.

When I am on a day off sick,
I am always sick.
When my boss is a day off sick,
he must be very ill.

When I apply for leave,
I must be going for an interview
When my boss applies for leave,
it's because he's overworked

When I do good,
my boss never remembers,
When I do wrong,
he never forgets

WAYS TO TURN DOWN UNWANTED MEN !!!!

HE : Can I buy you a drink?
SHE : Actually I'd rather have the money.

HE : I'm a photographer. I've been looking for a face like yours.
SHE : I'm a plastic surgeon. I've been looking for a face like yours.

HE : Hi. Didn't we go on a date once? Or was it twice?
SHE : Must've been once. I never make the same mistake twice.

HE : How did you get to be so beautiful?
SHE : I must've been given your share.

HE : Will you go out with me this Saturday?
SHE : Sorry. I'm having a headache this weekend.

HE : Your face must turn a few heads.
SHE : And your face must turn a few stomachs.

HE : Go on ,don't be shy. Ask me out.
SHE : Okay, get out.

HE : I think I could make you very happy.
SHE : Why? Are you leaving?

HE : What would you say if I asked you to marry me?
SHE : Nothing. I can't talk and laugh at the same time.

HE : Can I have your name?
SHE : Why? Don't you already have one?

HE : Shall we go see a movie?
SHE : I've already seen it.

HE : Where have you been all my life?
SHE : Hiding from you.

HE : Haven't I seen you some place before?
SHE : Yes. That's why I don't go there anymore.

HE : Is this seat empty?
SHE : Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.

HE : So, what do you do for a living?
SHE : I'm a female impersonator.

HE : Hey baby, what's your sign?
SHE : Do not enter.

HE : Your body is like a temple.
SHE : Sorry, there are no services today.

HE : If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
SHE : If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

Malaysia Boleh...

an article written by an Australian ...

While Malaysia fiddles, its opportunities are running dry
Michael Backman

November 15, 2006

MALAYSIA'S been at it again, arguing about what proportion of the economy each of its two main races — the Malays and the Chinese — owns. It's an argument that's been running for 40 years. That wealth and race are not synonymous is important for national cohesion, but really it's time Malaysia grew up.

It's a tough world out there and there can be little sympathy for a country that prefers to argue about how to divide wealth rather than get on with the job of creating it.

The long-held aim is for 30 per cent of corporate equity to be in Malay hands, but the figure that the Government uses to justify handing over huge swathes of public companies to Malays but not to other races is absurd. It bases its figure on equity valued, not at market value, but at par value.

Many shares have a par value of say $1 but a market value of $12. And so the Government figure (18.9 per cent is the most recent figure) is a gross underestimate. Last month a paper by a researcher at a local think-tank came up with a figure of 45 per cent based on actual stock prices. All hell broke loose. The paper was withdrawn and the researcher resigned in protest. Part of the problem is that he is Chinese.

"Malaysia boleh!" is Malaysia's national catch cry. It translates to "Malaysia can!" and Malaysia certainly can. Few countries are as good at wasting money. It is richly endowed with natural resources and the national obsession seems to be to extract these, sell them off and then collectively spray the proceeds up against the wall.

This all happens in the context of Malaysia's grossly inflated sense of its place in the world.

Most Malaysians are convinced that the eyes of the world are on their country and that their leaders are world figures. This is thanks to Malaysia's tame media and the bravado of former prime minister Mahathir Mohamad. The truth is, few people on the streets of London or New York could point to Malaysia on a map much less name its prime minister or capital city.

As if to make this point, a recent episode of The Simpsons features a newsreader trying to announce that a tidal wave had hit some place called Kuala Lumpur. He couldn't pronounce the city's name and so made up one, as if no-one cared anyway. But the joke was on the script writers — Kuala Lumpur is inland.

Petronas, the national oil company is well run, particularly when compared to the disaster that passes for a national oil company in neighbouring Indonesia. But in some respects, this is Malaysia's problem. The very success of Petronas means that it is used to underwrite all manner of excess.

The KLCC development in central Kuala Lumpur is an example. It includes the Twin Towers, the tallest buildings in the world when they were built, which was their point.

It certainly wasn't that there was an office shortage in Kuala Lumpur — there wasn't.

Malaysians are very proud of these towers. Goodness knows why. They had little to do with them. The money for them came out of the ground and the engineering was contracted out to South Korean companies.They don't even run the shopping centre that's beneath them. That's handled by Australia's Westfield.

Next year, a Malaysian astronaut will go into space aboard a Russian rocket — the first Malay in space. And the cost? $RM95 million ($A34.3 million), to be footed by Malaysian taxpayers. The Science and Technology Minister has said that a moon landing in 2020 is the next target, aboard a US flight. There's no indication of what the Americans will charge for this, assuming there's even a chance that they will consider it. But what is Malaysia getting by using the space programs of others as a taxi service? There are no obvious technical benefits, but no doubt Malaysians will be told once again, that they are "boleh". The trouble is, they're not. It's not their space program.

Back in July, the Government announced that it would spend $RM490 million on a sports complex near the London Olympics site so that Malaysian athletes can train there and "get used to cold weather".

But the summer Olympics are held in the summer.

So what is the complex's real purpose? The dozens of goodwill missions by ministers and bureaucrats to London to check on the centre's construction and then on the athletes while they train might provide a clue.

Bank bale outs, a formula one racing track, an entire new capital city — Petronas has paid for them all. It's been an orgy of nonsense that Malaysia can ill afford.

Why? Because Malaysia's oil will run out in about 19 years. As it is, Malaysia will become a net oil importer in 2011 — that's just five years away.

So it's in this context that the latest debate about race and wealth is so sad.

It is time to move on, time to prepare the economy for life after oil. But, like Nero fiddling while Rome burned, the Malaysian Government is more interested in stunts like sending a Malaysian into space when Malaysia's inadequate schools could have done with the cash, and arguing about wealth distribution using transparently ridiculous statistics.

That's not Malaysia "boleh", that's Malaysia "bodoh" (stupid).

Shameful truth, isn't it??!!

Babies Pageant...

THE WINNER !!!

7 Ways to feel good about life

1. Never stop questioning 'how'. Get interested and curious about yourself and about others.

2. Accept your weakness. Everybody has weaknesses, so accept it, don’t make excuses for it, and find ways to make it work for you.

3. Always keep learning. The brain is a muscle just like any other, and it will stagnate if you let it. Try to learn something new every day.

4. Expect nothing & expect the best. Confused? It just means that don’t miss out on what’s wonderful in your life right now, while spending all your time peeking around the next corner.

5. Plant the "seeds" that you want to grow. People are always wondering where the roses are in their life, yet they spend all their time sowing corn. You reap what you sow. That’s just the way it is.

6. Swim with the current & accept life. There are lots of things you can’t control. Don’t waste time complaining about what you can’t control but accept those things and work with things that is within your control.

7. Don’t wimp out. When the going gets tough -- and it always will -- keep your head up and keep moving. Nobody ever won a race by quitting.

静思语集 12

Parents of the month.... ;p

Marketing 101

You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say, "I'm fantastic in bed". That's Direct Marketing.

You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl. One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you says, "He's fantastic in bed". That's Advertising.

You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and get her telephone number. The next day you call and say, "Hi, I'm fantastic in bed". That's Telemarketing.

You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl. You get up and straighten your tie, you walk up to her and pour her a drink. You open the door for her, pick
up her bag after she drops it, offer her a ride, and then say, "By the way, I'm fantastic in bed". That's Public Relations.

You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl. She walks up to you and says, "I hear you're fantastic in bed". That's Brand Recognition.

Logical Thinking

1. If your father is a poor man,it is your fate but,if your father-in-law is a poor man,it's your stupidity.

2. Practice makes perfect.But nobody's perfect ,so why practice?

3. If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?

4. How come "abbreviated" is such a long word?

5. Money is not everything. There's MasterCard & Visa.

6. Behind every successful man, there is a woman; behind every unsuccessful man, there are two.

7. The wise never marry; when they marry, they become otherwise.

8. Success is a relative term. It brings so many relatives.

9. "Your future depends on your dreams"…So go to sleep.

10. "Hard work never killed anybody"…But why take the risk.

11. "Work fascinates me"…I can look at it for hours.

12. The more you learn, the more you know,The more you know, the more you forget The more you forget, the less you know. So... why learn?

13. A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station…

静思语集 11

静思语集 10

静思语集 9

A poem...

Around the corner I have a friend,
In this great city that has no end,
Yet the days go by and weeks rush on,
And before I know it, a year is gone.
And I never see my old friends face,
For life is a swift and terrible race,
He knows I like him just as well,
As in the days when I rang his bell.
And he rang mine but we were younger then,
And now we are busy, tired men.
Tired of playing a foolish game,
Tired of trying to make a name.
"Tomorrow" I say! "I will call on Jim
Just to show that I'm thinking of him."
But tomorrow comes and tomorrow goes,
And distance between us grows and grows.
Around the corner, yet miles away,
"Here's a telegram sir," "Jim died today."
And that's what we get and deserve in the end.
Around the corner, a vanished friend.








Remember
To always say what you mean.
If you love someone, tell them.
Don't be afraid to express yourself.
Reach out and tell someone what
they mean to you. Because when you decide that it is the right time it
might be too late.
Seize the day. Never have regrets.
And most importantly, stay close to your friends and family,
for they have helped make you the person that you are today.

Mum's teachings...

CAN YOU HEAR YOUR MOTHER SAYING THE FOLLOWING?

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE .
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished
cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of
next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
" Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to
the store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught me IRONY.
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times.
Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE .
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY .
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world
who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck
that way."

19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like
you!"

Obstacles...